Shift Happens: Preparing for Life Changes in Graduate School

"Omg, am I really doing this?"

This went through my best friend's mind repeatedly when she decided to go back to graduate school.

With a full social life of family and friends plus a full-time job, she knew life would have to change to incorporate classes and projects... at least for a couple years.

From fewer evenings out to less frequent trips home, she stepped into the big shift knowing that graduate school was the best route to reach her goals as a leader in her field.

(And she did after graduation, with a higher title and salary to match).

If the fear of change is holding you back from going to graduate school, here are 3 ways to address it:

1. Understand how the anticipation of change can affect you

2. Make a plan for personal priorities and relationships

3. Prepare your mind for life's changes as a grad student

1. Understand how the anticipation of change can affect you

When preparing to go back to graduate school, there are a thousand thoughts that will go through your mind well beyond the application process.

There are looming disruptions to your routine, shifting priorities, and anticipating the impact on relationships.

For some, it can spark fear. For others, nervousness and uncertainty.

Simultaneously, you may also feel excitement and anticipation to take on this new challenge head-on.

… it’s a lot all at once.

Fortunately, you’ve handled major life changes before, which is proof that you can do it again.

Action steps to help along the way:

• Seek information: beyond researching graduate programs, reach out to them. Talk to admissions, current students and even alumni to learn more about what you can expect from each program and especially the transition to be a student again.

  The more you know, the less your brain can make up stories on what to worry about.

• Self-reflection: whether it’s journaling, going for a walk, relaxing with music or a long shower (research supports the power of shower thoughts), take time to consider your goals and motivation for going back to graduate school.

  Getting clarity can reduce anxiety and also put you back in a state of excitement for what’s to come.

  This exercise will be helpful for writing your personal statement when it’s time, too.

• Mental health support: processing your thoughts with an objective person outside of your family and friends is a powerful exercise.

  In addition to identifying the root cause of your concerns, you’ll likely learn best-fit ways to manage your emotions about going back to graduate school. This will also prepare you to handle the changes when they do come.

2. Make a plan for personal priorities and relationships

Oof. This one hit me harder than I ever expected in graduate school.

As a master’s student in my mid-20s, I faded out several years-long friendships to make emotional and mental space to be a successful graduate student.

And as a recently-married doctoral student in my early 30s, I had to manage my own expectations of quality time with the reality of evening classes plus weekend papers and projects on top of working full-time.

(My partner handled it 10x better than I did, thankfully).

Whether you welcome it or not, there will be a change in relationship dynamics while you’re in school.

Remember: you have control of how and when you show up for family and friends, even when circumstances change.

Action steps to help with this:

• Communicate early and often: Make time and space to have honest, open conversations with family, friends and your partner about how your availability and mental bandwidth might change

  Bonus: knowing this ahead of time will help them prepare for future changes, too.

• Establish boundaries: Pre-decide what you will be available for and when, well before you receive your first syllabus.

  And prioritize what’s best for your mental health. This could include only responding to texts during certain time windows, or creating a standing call schedule with family members so they know exactly when they can expect to hear from you.

  (Grandmas especially love this, speaking from experience).

  Setting these expectations will help loved ones know that you’re still connected and a part of their lives, even if your availability is different for a couple years.

• Make a visual calendar: This was a game-changer for me in graduate school. Beyond tracking assignments and homework, I intentionally planned calls, walks, dinners and short trips, then made them brightly-colored priorities on my calendar.

  Scheduling this type of guilt-free fun gave me something to look forward to and ultimately made me more productive - which is key during the longest weeks as a graduate student.

3. Prepare your mind for life's changes as a graduate student

Once you accept that change is coming (and even try to get excited for it), it’ll be so much easier to manage.

When you’re in your 20s, life changes constantly anyways, so it can be a little unnerving to jump headfirst into graduate school knowing that it’s going to rock whatever stability you’ve worked so hard to build.

And in your 30s? No one’s prepared to change their sleep schedule.

(You’re not alone, I’ve been there).

That said, there are a few tactics you can try to prepare your mind.

The best part? These will serve you well beyond graduate school, too.

Action steps to prep your mind for graduate school:

• Adopt a growth mindset: reframe any future challenges as opportunities.

  When you decide that these changes are ways to grow and learn, graduate school will feel less like an obstacle to overcome on the way to your career goals.

  Instead, you’ll view the experience as preparation to become an even better version of yourself than you thought possible.

• Set realistic goals: Will you be balancing full-time work with full-time school? (And maybe even family responsibilities?)

  Give yourself grace and don’t hold yourself to unrealistic standards in every aspect of your life if you’re balancing a lot.

  This could look like giving yourself permission to not get straight-As, or to pull back on how much time and energy you put into certain areas of your life and work while in school.

  One of the most impactful conversations I had during my doctorate - while working full-time - was with a classmate in a similar professional role who shared how they dialed back some of their work output. They were shocked that no one noticed, and that they received the same praise they always had for being a go-getter who did doing good work. It gave me permission to look for areas of my life where I could scale back and redirect energy to other areas.

• Create a support system: Everyone who makes the cut on your relationship priority list from above will be there for you when you need them most.

  Prep yourself for graduate school by openly reaching out to them for assistance and encouragement - you’ll need it, and they’ll be happy to give it.

Whenever it’s time to go back, armed with these tips and action steps, you’ll be prepared for any and every change graduate school may bring to your life.

It’s 100% worth it when you get that diploma and see how your mind and career opportunities open.

Keep moving forward, you’ve got this.

Read next: 5 Ways Graduate School Changed My Life

Follow Dr. Jena on LinkedIn for honest insight and helpful tips on your journey to graduate school as a working professional.

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